I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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