we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
