i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
