I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
