On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
