cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
