He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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