Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
