Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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