Your dad touched me again.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
