He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
