this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
