The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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