i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
