Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
