well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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