also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
