So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
