Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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