apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
worst night to have a conscience
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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