Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
