Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Holy shit dude........stairs
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
