Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
