We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
