I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
