Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
