She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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