so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
