I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
