You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
