Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
