Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Still dying that you shit outside
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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