Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
