My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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