can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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