This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
