You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is Oprah even human
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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