So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
