he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
