I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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