Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
