Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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