dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
as a side note pls kill me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
