I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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