Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
