I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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