oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
