apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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