Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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