He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
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COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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