It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
