Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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