Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
