That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
