i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
