Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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