So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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