Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
