so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
