i permit you to call me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
