it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
