My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
