I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
