so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
