If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
