Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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