oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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