ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My bed smells like the plague
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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