Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
