I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hippo gnu deer
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
