youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
