Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
