so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
