For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
