Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
